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pumpkin head
05 September 2007 @ 10:18 pm
It may be harsh and depressing, but fuck, it's true. D doesn't want me, but there are plenty of men who do. Why should I sit at home and obsess over where he is, who he's with, when I could be having fun with a very very hot boy, who called me even before I left the party. Fuck. Yeah.
pumpkin head
04 September 2007 @ 12:41 pm
I want to rage and yell and scream and punch and scratch and...
pumpkin head
04 September 2007 @ 12:26 pm
FALLING APART!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need to do something for me, myself and I.

I can't open up or go to D when I am upset. He says we're friends, but we're not.

I want to get out of this place. Away from these people. All of them.

Every time I cry, I am embarrassing myself.
pumpkin head
02 September 2007 @ 11:42 pm
It's done.

I keep on repeating that to myself. We're done. The relationship that I have depended on for 5 years is done. Gone. And I feel like just crumbling up into a ball for a week. I wish I didn't get this job. And I wish I wasn't going to school every day of the week. And I wish he wouldn't lead me on so much, and keep on calling me. I want him so bad to be mine still.

I'm tired, so the tears have finally stopped. But they will come back. Guaranteed.
pumpkin head
29 August 2007 @ 03:52 pm
Maybe the best cure is just to ignore all my mental problems. I yearn to be like D; oblivious and self-absorbed. He's changed so much.

Citizen Cope isn't helping my mood, but it's nice background music while I'm studying math stuff.
pumpkin head
26 August 2007 @ 11:41 am
I wrote out a speech to tell D. And then I wrote a note to my mom. My plan is to read D what I wrote, then call my mom, and read her note to both her and in front of D. I don't think it's going to work, but this is my last and significant try to retrieve this relationship. And even if he's not ready to be in a committed, secure relationship with me right now, I think that after he's had time to just breathe, that there's more of a possibility then for us to get back together. I hope he understands how hard it's going to be for me to talk to my mom on the phone about him. I don't know if it's fair to my mom, in a way, I feel like I'm using her. But not really. I'm only going to be honest with her for once.